Hate the new Facebook chat like... EVERYONE else? Here's a way to fix some of the most annoying "features" if you're a Firefox or Chrome user. (Which I sure hope you should be)
Go to: Facebook Chat Bully's website and download the appropriate browser extension, then go to the settings for it and fix your frustration! I personally enabled the first 3 and that was good enough for me. Hopefully Facebook will get their act together and fix this silliness for real, but until then enjoy & endure!